Have I turned cynical over the years? Why is it when there's more knowledge to one thing, one expects more and wants it exactly how it perceives.

Am questioning the words used during services and how pastors bring people forward. Why does it not sit peacefully in me? Really, is there no better way and better words put...

So many questions in my head.

Twas just a dream

Refining Silver

Was reading on Psalm 12 when I came across the verse which says:

" The words of the Lord is flawless, like silver refined in a furnace of clay,  purified seven times." Psalm 12:6 (NIV)

I've heard about how refined gold or silver is the purest of pure, and that is how pure God is. Came across an excerpt today, which brought my understanding to a whole new level.

http://www.therefinersfire.org/refiners_fire.htm

It's really beautiful to know how much God loves us and wants to make us into his image. 

From the website, the author said that many of us have been through "fire". Its through this fire - our trials and tribulations - that our rough edges were smoothened and sharped edges sluffed off, until we closely resemble what we are suppose to be. God allows us to go through hard times so that we may grow and become smooth and shiny. So that, not only does He see us becoming a reflection of Him but others can also see Him in us. 

A really beautiful explanation. Learning something new everyday. 

I choose to be Holy, set apart for You Lord, ready to do your will. 

Hungry after 2am

It's past 2 am, and I've snacked on my last 2 peanut cookies from Christmas, a box of raisins and an orange... I'm still not really satisfied, and now i have to re-brush my teeth *sulks*

Moral of the story: Don't eat cup noodles and cassava as dinner.

Blogging cos I'm not really sleepy and my brain is fully active. Sigh, not a good sign for the pimples.

It's slightly over 2 weeks into the new year, and much things have happened - a cancer news and a memorial. It got me thinking of life and the things I would do should they happen to me. Things are so much scarier when it happens to someone close to you.

On a lighter note, I wanna watch the My Fair Lady musical.

Let go and let God

I came to realise that the amount of fears are piling.

I have this fear, the fear of people leaving, and I'm left all alone. The fear of having to start all over again, getting out of my comfort zone.

This 2014, i need to learn to let go and let God. Placing all fears in Him.

I am but a human, i am weak.

On this journey to rediscovering God.

Liabilty and a burden

Two things i fear being the most. Maybe that's why...

When does fear become too much? Not shutting the doors Or laying bricks i hope.

When i was younger, i thought i could change people, change situations. But as i grew older, i began to realise that these were all just wistful thinkings. The only person who needed change was probably me. I grew up, and i stopped.

The end.

Legally 21

So,

It's my 21st BUTTDAY (the doc spanked my butt when I was born, and I cried). Another year older, another year wiser. But I still feel the same.

Nope, I didn't have a big party to celebrate my 21st. Actually, as I grow older I kinda dislike the idea of having to entertain many groups (although most of them can entertain themselves). Instead, I had an almost a week long of of small birthday celebrations - starting with a surprise dinner at Lynn's with the other church friends, followed by dinner with secondary clique, lunch with Pegs and dinner with my uni ladies. On the Big day itself, lunch and movie with two of the people I cherish most.

I'VE JOIN THE CLUB! HOORAY!

Looking back at the past one year, I've learnt a few more things about myself. I've become more afraid of man, more afraid of responsibilities and even more afraid at not doing well. Maybe it's through all these things that God is making me less reliant of myself and more reliant on Him. I've become really dependent on Him.

To the me of the future (actually when you just so happen to reread this post), please know that the journey after being legal would not be easy as well. BUT HOLD ON TO GOD! When you lose all confidence in yourself, HOLD ON TO GOD. When men betray you and there's no one you trust, HOLD ON TO GOD. When you feel lonely, HOLD ON TO GOD.

Nothing's change, nothing's better. To the 21 year old me - hold on to God.

Oh man, this is such a depressing post. Shall end on a lighter note.

Just one of those days when you feel

"When's it my turn?" 

"Why's there nothing to watch?"

"Why is life a bore?"

Silly Rants

Sometimes I feel like the only time you talk to me is when you need help. Actually, that's about it. Like really, you say I miss you and the only reason thereabout is because of school work. I actually don't really mind it, but it saddens me when I know that that would probably be the one and only time you bother talking to me, on a personal level.

Then when you ask about how I'm doing. I answer with a prepared heart that you most probably won't reply after.

I already know but it still saddens me. My jealousy? Work? Life? All excuses. If you aren't really interested in knowing about my life, at least pretend to be. Because, it's really easy to tell when you aren't.

Then we plan to meet up and all, and you always fly my aeroplane.... I can only reply you with a sure, and then knowing this will never happen.

If you really want to meet up with someone, you'll make the effort to, no matter how busy you are.



Silly rants. Probably carry it in my heart till i tell it to you, which might never be. But till then. Sigh.

Back to studying.

Commitment vs Surrender

Excerpts from an article I read - Why I'm Not a Committed Christian (And Why that's a Good Thing)

 “When you make a commitment, you are still in control, no matter how noble the thing you commit to. One can commit to pray, to study the Bible, to give his money, or to commit to automobile payments, or to lose weight. Whatever he chooses to do, he commits to. But surrender is different. If someone holds a gun and asks you to lift your hands in the air as a token of surrender, you don’t tell that person what you are committed to. You simply surrender and do as you are told. . . . Americans love commitment because they are still in control. But the key word is surrender. We are to be slaves to the Lord Jesus Christ.”

Yep, mind blown. He continues in John 16...

Here, Jesus feeds five thousand people. Then, seeking solitude with God, He leaves the crowd. They followed him, expecting more miracles and food. Jesus challenged their motives and told them He was the only spiritual food they needed. Their reaction is enlightening:

            From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.

            “You do not want to leave too, do you?” Jesus asked the Twelve.

            Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of Israel.” —Jn. 6:66-69

             Before my head whacking, I interpreted this episode as a crisis between the uncommitted crowd and the committed few. I now saw it as the difference between the merely committed crowd and the surrendered twelve. The multitude was committed . . . to a point. The Bible even calls them disciples. They had simply reached the end of their commitment. In contrast, the Twelve were fully surrendered. As Peter expressed, they allowed themselves no alternative other than following Jesus: “Lord, to whom shall we go?”

Learning something new yet again.

Jesus, help me to surrender. Amen.

The chapter ends.

Wondering and pondering cease changes to anything.

This marks the end of yet another chapter.

"Come to me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rests for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Irresponsibility

So i figure the best way to reach out and express my feelings to reach out to the younger ones is through twitter...

Yes, im fuming mad. Honestly, he never learns...  at least call back to tell of whereabouts, and not leave those who are concern thinking whether you're dead or alive. 

To go or not to

While the care and concern starts pouring out, am I to just sit around and wait till words are said unto me?

Why does it take so much effort and heart to be in concern? Sigh...

Come come, relationship may fade away. Blood is thicker than water.

People may fail you, God's love never fail.

Feeling like im losing grip of things... i dont like this feeling.

Anchor

I have this hope,
As an anchor for my soul.
Through every storm,
I hold on to you.

There is hope in the promise of the cross,
You gave everything to save the world you love.
And this hope is an anchor for my soul,
Our God will stand

Unshakeable

Prayer

And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will rest upon you...

Walks

I love taking long walks.


But I guess, watching Captain America on TV wins long walk.

Dear heart,

Be still.

More of You.

Just one of those nights were emotions are on a whirl. I take my words back of not having mood swings!

Are you hungry for God? Are you thirsty for His word?

Something Minjie and Lynn said to me in the car on my way home made me teared a little.

God didn't say that the flowers will always be on the mountain top, but they can be found in the deep dark valley as well. Sometimes we have to be in the valley to truly appreciate and learn. I've been constantly reminded by the people around me.

When your mind and emotions are in a huge mess. Surrender them all to God. All to Jesus.

In the quiet, in the stillness
I know You are God.
Set a fire down to my soul,
That I can't contain, that I can't control
I want more of You, Lord.