那些年。。。

Was looking through some of the posts I wrote when I was 14 and I found this :D Man, I love this picture a lot, partly because I think I look quite pretty here, heheh. They say that good hair days comes once in a blue moon, and indeed. I think mine's a purple moon. Gosh Yong, I totally didn't remember that hairstyle of yours, PUAhHAHAAHAHAhahahah

Is that Jing Shen at the back? For a moment it looks like Jeremy K.

We had the same top and necklace :D

Ah, boy do i miss those days... Think I was slim-er at that time. Anyways, its back to work - report at lunch.

*Chants: No procrastination, no procrastination, no pracrastination*

Loving it

This week's gonna be a busy week, and i love it :D

Something from Commissioner's blog :)

Shows for Thoughts :D

So, I've been watching a lot of movies and shows this past few days. In fact, i've been drama hopping.

Between

Scent of a Woman (Korean)

And...

Misaki No. 1 (Jap)

Good thing both of them aren't really long dramas. Scent of a Woman has 16 episodes while Misaki No. 1 has 10. Thank God! Don't think I can get through long soapy dramas. Been trying to get my cousin to watch the Jap drama. Somehow I find this drama very animated. Its like watching an anime with real life beings.. Haha. But still nice, nothing heavy, light-hearted and funny :) I think the group of 5's really good looking, especially the one with curly hair :D Gonna return to my Korean drama after I'm done with the Jap drama - two more episodes.

Anyways, I watched this really heart-warming movie called Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. It's a movie based on a novel by Lisa See. I think I've read the book before, but can't remember when though. Well, it stars Li Bing Bing, Jun Ji-hyun, Vivian Wu and Hugh Jackman.

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan movie

Well, thank you Pepe for the nice recommendations :D Will start on Goong S (maybe) when I'm done with the rest.

Aim: to finish my report by this week...

Baby Titus

My handsome, cute and dashing nephew <3

Man, I wanna hold him and carry him :( He's gonna break many young girls heart when he grows older ;')

Secrets - One Republic (Jayesslee Cover)

Gosh, I really love their voice. And they just keep improving over the years.

How Great is Our God

Awesome song :D

初七

So while my dear friend Shella is sleeping soundly at home, Jolene is at work, working hard (not).

Anyways, discovered a new thing to keep me entertained during work :) - Christianradio.com. I wonder why I've never thought of looking up for an online christian radio before. But thanks to Anne, I did :D

Found this while reading Celine's blog sometime back. I took a snapshot of what she wrote firstly because it brightened my boring afternoon and secondly, it brightens my dull blog...

I SHOULD CHANGE BLOGSKIN! Change it to something brighter yet still simple. Alright, more things I can do to kill time at work :D

Gonna work on my report during my free time at work.

Think i'm gonna keep adding stuff to this post till i have nothing left to add or when adding pictures on blogger starts getting on my nerve. It's so stupid :(

From Carissa's Twitter

Saw this on twitter. I guess I never really thought about worship in this manner before. I think many times we are like that, expecting each experience during worship to be the same as the previous's, but many a times we forget that each experience, each encounter that we have with God may never be the same.

This is from my today's reading:

"This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all."
1 John 1:5

I'm two more books to finishing the new testament. Old testament would be a great challenge.

Can't wait for dinner with Pepe tonight :) Craving for curry now....

New Year's Blues

It's day 3 of CNY, and this has been my daily routine.

Wake up
Eat
Watch Shows, movie etc.
Eat
Watch more shows, movies etc.
Sleep

My mundane life... And gosh, I really really miss home :'( I miss my family, my cousins and my friends.

Well, at least today's been productive. I've recorded two songs. Will upload the songs some other time... Really love this two songs. I'm not the best singer you can find, but I have to admit, one of the spiritual gifts that God has given me is my gift of music. Well, I'm no master of it, but it's better than nothing right?

Today I've been reminded once again how as Christians we need to be watchful of the way we behave and the things we say, whether if it is Christ-like and ultimately, if it would reflect well upon ourselves. Well, we wouldn't do unto others the things that we don't want to happen unto us... That's my belief.

Ending off with these verses:

"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."

1 Peter 5:8-11

Chinese New Year

It's two days to Chinese New Year :D

I found this on Commissioner Lim's blog, it's a good read :)

http://burninginthebones.blogspot.com/2012/01/culture-and-our-faith.html

Yea, Cos there's nothing better to do..

Just read my old posts and gosh, I can't help but to laugh at what I've written. Ahhahahah... *tears in the eyes*

I guess my writing did mature as the years go by. And yea, I've cut down on the number of "....." I use after each sentence and I'm actually trying very hard to use proper english when typing (Give me some credit, i've really been trying since mass comm happened)...

It's gonna be a lonely CNY this year - Julie, Wee Sham and Linda are back in Singapore. Man, I've no new clothes to wear and no angbao to collect this year :( And I won't be spending time with my cousins this year.

Worst of all, I HAVE TO WORK TOMORROW!!! :( :(

Mom, keep my angbao for me please *puppy eyes*

Hello

Well I guess this is my first official post for the year. HAHAHAHA...

Not much of a writer (i'm just plain lazy to write ok...) But I'm bored with having nothing much to do, so the next best thing I could do was to type a blog post.

Well, last year's gone pretty fast. I still remember the surprise farewell happened not too long ago, and in a months time or so, I'm flying back to Singapore. heheheh.

I wonder what motivates one to keep updating their blog. Writing is one thing, keeping it interesting and entertaining is another.... Manda, how on earth do you do that?!?!

Ok, nothing's on the mind now. So i guess that's it then.. Erm, till then?




#I'm listening to - Just One Last Dance

How He Loves Us

How He Loves Us

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane, I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.
Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves.

So we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

That he loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

He loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

Cause He loves us,
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

Yeah, He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves us
Woah, how He loves

The words to this song are really really beautiful...

" I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" - Phillipians 4:13

Like a Child

I feel joy bubbling in me, like a child all in smiles.

I feel peace spreading in me, like the music fills the air.

The spirit comes knocking, and a voice’s calling,

Seek me child, and be in prayer.

Excitement rose, and God’s presence shows.

Sadness and despair peeling away.

Run to him.

Like a child, blameless and pure.

Like a child, hope and joy once restore.

Like a Child coming before God.

Today, I had an encounter with God. It wasn't like any other times. It was something different than the last few times.

First, I felt myself crumbling. My heart started pounding faster and faster. When Pastor Steve touched me, it was as if someone triggered of a spark in me. The next thing I knew, I was heaving very heavily . Very heavily. And then it slowly fade away. I knew at that time all I could think of was, "Don't go. Stay."

Then it was total numbness.

Everything was going on, moving around me. I could hear voices people talking. But there I was. Unable to move. Unable to talk at all. I wanted to suck in the drool that i know was about to fall but i couldn't. I lose total control of my body. It was like I, I've been paralyzed. My head was a total blank. I wanted to suck in the drool but someone was telling me, not too. Let it fall, don't care about anything around you. And sat there, unable to move. All this time I was crying out in my head, "Pray for me, pray for me"

My head started lowering, till it hit my chest.

The next thing I knew was that my leg started trembling. my left first, then the right. It started shaking vigorously and then it stopped. I woke up smiling. Smiling like never before.

I got up and walked towards Paster Paul and asked him to pray for me. I fell to my knees before he started. My legs were like jelly. He started praying and then it was the hand, then the whole body. It felt like my whole body was not in my control any longer. I was like jelly, and there was something controlling me. Controlling each and every movement. I knew i was on the floor, kneeling down and then laying down. I don't know how long i was on the floor for. I could her people talking, asking me if I was alright. Pastor explaining to them how it was not good to wake someone up.

I could her them talking, but my mind was blank. I switched positions quite a couple of times. But when I got up, i knew i was smiling, I felt joy in the heart. I couldn't stop smiling. I felt like a child reborn. My whole body still felt numb. Still not in my control, still jelly. I knew I got up, only to fall onto the ground again. There was joy.

Just joy. Just like a newborn child

I did things that were not in my control. It was an experience i know I will never forget.

There's so many things, so much i could say to express the joy. this joy i feel.

Ask me, and i shall speak.

Seek him. Seek him. Seek him.

I don't now what tomorrow holds. But I know that for now, for this time being, I'm refreshed. Whatever tomorrow holds, I shall not liveby them. I shall put everything in his hands.

Another thing I've learnt, Simple faith. Sometimes simple faith can be mistaken for arrogance and people fear them. But with faith, really, nothing is impossible.

So people out there. Even if there's no encounter with God, there'll be one day. You've just got to wait and that one day will come knocking at you at the most unexpected, most amazing time. And when that time comes, lose control of yourself and let God be in control.

Tsk tsk

I hate having to feel the way i do. I totally, absolutely hate it. Now, I'm just waiting for it to go away, like it always do everytime it comes. Will it?

HOls

I want to do so many things during this holidays...

1. Read a Christian Book
2. Get out off Singapore
3. Catch up with Crusade friends
4. Meet up Close friends
5. Read more story books
6. Complete my story from before
7. Sort out all my thoughts and feelings
8. Stay at home and do nothing at all
9. Save money
10. Sleep till the sun shines on my butt

The list can go on and on, but for now, 10 will do.

Today, or rather 4 hours ago we had combined cell. And boy do I have to admit, I'm getting old! They played "Freeze and melt", "virus", "werewolf," and "mmh chi chi". Out of all the games, 2 required running, and at the end of each round, or rather halfway through each round, I would stop and take a long break to catch my breath.

Note to self: Jolene, you need to start exercising more to catch up with the young ones.

Well, I guess it was fun and good watching the kids interact with each other through simple games like those.

Ok, gotta wake up at 8 plus in the morning tmr. Maybe I'll take a christian book out to read now?

Shh...

I'm waiting for my bro to sleep so I can on the light on do things, in the light. So, yes... I'm typing in the dark. If there was a prize for typing in the dark, I'll definitely win 2nd prize!

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately - relationships, work, friends etc. And I can't help but feel that everyone is drifting away from me. Friends, family, especially family. My cousin in particular. As much as I don't wanna force my opinions, there are times when I don't really approve of some things. But being typical me, I don't know how to say it without hurting feelings or without sounding like a know-it-all.

Maybe its my age that's catching up, making me feel that there are a lot of things which could have been done better, or should be done in another way. All these are making me feel unsatisfied and whiny.

Maybe because my closest friends are going on a different path, it makes me feel lonely and sad. Maybe because they were always around when I needed them, or just because they are around, and even though I don't talk to them, their presence comforts me.

Oh, the light is on! Jeremy's gonna come in to do work.

As I was saying, although I don't have talk much to them, I knew they'd be around when I needed to approach someone. But now that I know they're gonna be MIA for at least a few months or a year, I can't help but feel sad...

Just maybe because, maybe because. I'm starting to sound like a old hag.

Alright, its back to studies for me.

Amazing grace

Another variation of Amazing Grace

Everlasting God

Nice Version of Everlasting God by Lincoln Brewster

You're 21!

Oh yes, although you wouldn't even see this, but here's one for you!

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY ERIC!!!

Although you keep pang seh-ing us, and bo jio-ing us,
we love you all the same. Touching right?

Boy to Man

That was the tagline for the slideshow today.

Today was David's enlistment day. Its was nostalgic seeing him enter the camp. And yes, I'm gonna miss having him around. Hopefully this blur sotong will become for alert and bright :D At least, Jin Le would be around to watch his back. Not always, but its good to enter camp with a good buddy right?

But today got me thinking about how soon, the 3 guys in my house will all fly away into camp turning from boys to real men. As much as I want them to mature, I'm gonna miss babying them (with exceptional of the oldest one). Haha, gosh, I sound like a mom. What to do? Who ask me to be the only girl at home. Stop growing so fast!

Then I thought about how women have to send the men off into army during war time, and to wait helplessly for their return.

I've been rather angsty and impatient the past few days, and I really don't know why is that so. Is it 'cause I've lack of sleep.

Where got time?

I'm really amazed at how my cousin can afford time to post about her life!

Well, that day when Clarissa say, "How do you know whether God exists? It's through other people's life". I paused for a moment and started thinking whose life have I seen God's work. The immediate person that popped out in my mind was my very dear cousin.

I've been watching her, from the day she came to knew and accepted Christ. I guess, being the older one i can't help but always wonder if she really knew who God was or whether she was doing it for some unknown reason etc.

But lately I've come to realise that God was working in her life. And that is a very great encouragement :)

Can't wait for Chinese New Year to come around and once it's here. I don't want it to end = deadlines :(

I think i spent quite a lot this month... Must cut down!

New Year Resolution:

- Read a christian book
- Lose 3 kg
- Spend more time studying
- Spend more time with cell

One by one...

They are all gonna enter into the world of manhood... Guns and all...

Why do I feel saddened by that?

I really should be doing work :P

I really should be doing my school work, but as you can see... I'm too lazy to get started...

Well, went to Uncle's house today and it was a good harvest. Well, uncle is this cleaner in my school who does calligraphy on my school tiles. He really is a very inspirational person. Mind you, his 83 this year and he builds his on stuff from scratch. He built wooden chairs, a brush stand, a door frame etc. He say he used to be a carpenter. I really admire his energy level and his ability to move around so vividly.

My shopping list: get uncle new papers for calligraphy, and occasional snacks :)

So, I've decided against coming up with a post for my Korea trip. Its too long and I'm too busy for that. Maybe when I've time. Instead, I shall put up pictures here and then and describe them :D.

Day 1 in Korea, Group photo outside the palace

Day 2 in Korea at the Ski resort. The youths.

Us, with Brian, Ethan, Tim and Matt at the
top of the Ski mountain.

Day 4/5 - At the top of the mountain where everyone was
freezing, people got blown away by the strong wind.

The last picture is my favourite group shot :) That was when everyone knew each other quite well already. Unlike the first 2 shots, we were much closer - in distance. I miss those days :( Looking forward to March though! haha.

Alright, hopefully, typing this post has gotten me started with my thinking process and inspiration for my work. Till then :)

I've got a feeling

There's this type of feeling.

You feel that it's there, but yet, you know its not suppose to be there. It's wrong but yet you can't help it.

It feels like it, but yet again, it feels another.

It's 2011

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!! :)

So, here's how I spent my first day of the new year.

After watch night service, we, a whole bunch of us, went to Meng Ren's grandfather's wake. Well, I think it was a different yet enriching day. I expect MR's grandmother to be sad and all, but no, she was happy and cheery. She told us about how she know that she was going to heaven after she pass away, and that thought, going to heaven to meet everyone makes her very happy.

Truthfully, that was the first wake I've been to where I don't see a depressed spouse. It reminded me yet again that to know God is really a privilege and that we shouldn't take that fact for granted.

On the side note, I don't like people who gamble during a wake. Ya, it can get boring staying there the whole morning, but come on, its kinda disrespectful.

We reached back in corp around 4 plus in the morning.

On New Year's eve, me and yong went to visit Brian and his family. Mainly to visit Ethan and to see their house. We brought dragged Brian to watch night service :)

Actually I have so much in mind that I don't know what to type. I'm supposed to post about Korea, but I'm kinda lazy now. Haha. Shall do it some time later when I'm more free.

For now, it shall be back to doing my awful website :(

It's my birthday :)

It's my birthday!!! I'm old :(

Materialistic

Materialistic:

–noun

1. A person who is markedly more concerned with material things than with spiritual, intellectual, or cultural values.

2. An adherent of philosophical materialism.

–adjective

3. Concerned with material things; materialistic.

4. Of or pertaining to philosophical materialism or its adherents.

Ok. Like what I've highlighted, I guess that best describes me now. Because of a malfunction wardrobe/closet/cupboard, I just want to get new clothes, new shoes, new bag and new underwear. It's bugging me and it's not good :(

I sense the pressure rising... SO MANY THINGS DUE NEXT WEEK!!! And i have yet gotten a single book to review on yet :( Sigh...

Birthday, birthdays...

Today is Jerrold's, Ellen's and Celine's <3 Birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY THE 3 OF YOU!!!

And in a week's time it'll be my birthday :)

Some time ago, I was thinking out loud to the people in school that I never really had a surprise birthday at all. Shery went, "Where got? We did one for you last year..." Then I remembered the sheep that she and Sam went looking around for me as a gift. Then I went , "Oh ya..."But, that's all I remembered - the sheep.

But when I got back home to think about what Shery said, I did indeed had a surprise birthday celebration. Although it was a short one, but it was a sweet and touching one. I remembered I was almost in tears.

I was at Jesca's place helping her with her LocVid AP. Late that night, they surprised me with a birthday cake. 'Cos my birthday was a few days ago, I had least expected the cake and what more, a celebration. So, it was the first surprise birthday celebration I ever had. A short and sweet one :) For the past few years, I always had to look for people to celebrate my birthday with me, but that one day, as cliche as it sounds, I felt special - like a little girl :D

Yesterday was David's birthday. We went to his house to surprise him. Kuang came up with this brilliant idea - He told David that Jin Le and him were going to his house to swim, and the plan was for the rest of us to turn up and surprise him.

The plan kinda changed. Kuang, JL, Rebe, MC and me, we met up at ard 9.45 a.m. to buy David's cake. The initial plan was to called David down to the swimming pool, but it was raining. Kuang called Deena, David's sis, if we could go up instead to surprise him, and we did.

Both Deena and her mom were super cooperative. They let us into the house and entertained David while we set up the cake and light the candle. Judging from the number of times David scratched his head, I dare say he was very surprised with us appearing.

Ooo, we got him this cake.

Winnie the pooh

Us :)

We spent the rest of the day playing Cluedo - a very fun game.

Well, December is always the best time of the year, and the poorest time of everyone's year.... But, as the bible says : To give is better than to receive.

I can't agree more on that...

The Imam and the Pastor

Oh yes! I went to help out at a Community Leader's Conference today, and boy was it insightful.

I never knew that the Bible and the Qu'ran were so similar in many ways. Well, I did learn a lot of things today, and I've seen real examples of what a full grasp of bible knowledge can do.

Shall work hard...

Sing to East and the West

Went to Yurong's place to celebrate her 21 + 1 Birthday today.

There was a huge crowd.

Her place was very much prenankan, just like lao gou's shop. I was quite mesmerized with the antique at her place, especially the very much antique porcelain jar. I had actually wanted to open and peek in.

The highlight of today was, that there was finally an EAST PERSON in the whole crowd! YEAH :D

I got a lift home by Mark, Cheryl's "friend". He stays in the East and that's rare. The people from church are either from the North or the West.

I think God does surprise me sometimes. Here I am, wondering how on earth to get home. He always manages to make someone appear to agree to send me home.

Anyways, I thought that the trip back would be quite awkward, but I guess it was alright. Cheryl, if you happen to read this - I totally approve of him ;) Haha... And no worries, I didn't tell him anything about you except for the fact that you and your cousins threatened to harm us when we were young.

OH yes, it's past 12 midnight....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOW GUAN YOU!!! You're OLD now :D

Red Lorry Yellow Lorry

Try saying that at a faster pace. Faster now. Okay, that was just me being random.

This is the 2nd time i dreamed of being knocked down by a car. David say its Exhaustion. Maybe i just want to experience being knocked down by a car? Haha.

I'm really tired. Too tired to do anything in fact. I just want my bed and my sleep....

Procrastination

I should stop finding excuses and do what I'm suppose to :( But the fact is, it really is hard to do work in a noisy environment and all I wanna do now is to sleep...

Director's List

Something really surprised me. When she read out my name on the director's list, I was like, WOAH~ I was really really surprised and happy at the same time. But despite that, I've started to worry. What if I don't get on the list next semester? Will I be able to continue to improve?
Can i do better?

I think i really need to step up in faith and like how i always encourage the rest - to do my best and let God do the rest.

My song of the week :)

Groups and AAAAAHHHhhhh.....

The first week of school is when the terror begins. Not the modules and not the timings, but more of the groupings and the people.

So this week, I made an enemy and I hurt somebody. I feel guilt towards the person I hurt. To my new found enemy, I really don't feel anything towards you. But sometimes i just feel like - What?!, when i see you.

I never knew that forming groups could ever be so full of drama and politics. This is the first time I've ever felt this way. In a dilemma between what's beneficial towards myself or towards a relationship. I know the answer already, but when facing the problem, everything just comes back to - ME. As a result, feelings are hurt, enemies are drawn.

I would like to think of it as a learning experience. And it also got me reminded of how critical the world can be. Talking to the rest today had me reminded myself of how God really has a purpose for everything that we faced.

Today was NPDOP. I really gave a lot of thought on what happened the past 4 days - My attitudes and behaviours. Some of the things I've done weren't the best solution and not very Godly. But I'm reminded again that i shouldn't take things into my own hands but place everything into God's. There's so little I can do, but so much He can do.

I'd swung my phone onto the road right in front of the bus on my way home. I immediately picked everything up, after I've picked everything up, tapped my card and sat down, I realised that my phone battery was missing. I panicked and thought it was impossible to find it 'cos the bus could have run over my battery, but i knew i had picked everything up already so how could it have gone missing? I checked my seating area, but no, it was no where in sight. Finally i just gave up and told God that if it appears, it will.

Something told me to alight from the front 'cos my batt might have flung out of my hands when i tapped my card. Lo and behold, it really was there when i was about to alight.

Moral of the story: God shows miracles even with the slightest things.

This week, my aim: To not be confounded by the worldly things, and to constantly remind mself of the Fruits of the Spirit.

雨过天晴

Thanks for clarifying things with me :)

I thought today's sermon was quite interesting and impactful. There were many things that could be learn from the story of Jesus feeding the 5,000 with 5 loaves and 2 fishes. The most important thing i picked out was to have faith of a child - Simple Faith.

I guess that's what I'm really lacking of right now. Shall pray bout it.

It so happens when I feel down, everything I see or hear follows my mood. The songs playing, although i can't catch the words, just the tune can't further sadden me.

I don't know why its affecting me so much. I should just ask, and then clear my doubts.

Is it me?

Are you directing this at me? If so, I'll steer clear of you then

The Duck Song

Duck Song

Duck Song 2

Duck Song 3

Found this video during the last day of camp! Very entertaining... Haha :D

Have faith, I must

I have comments on my post :D Haha.

Long walks trigger thoughts. Or at least, that's what I believe. I had something in mind to post about for the week when I was in the car, but it disappeared when I tried recalling. Oh wells, I'll just post whatever that comes into mind.

Okay, i shall admit it. Nothing is popping in the head!

Oh, now here's something. This week, I learn that it is not as simple as it says to have faith. When i read the bible, thoughts like, did that really happen? Oh really? just pops into mind. That's when i know that doubts do arise every now and then, but what's most important is to have faith.

Somehow i feel that, every time I'm a little closer to God, i get pulled back a little too. It feels like a battle between the good and the evil. (This reminds me of Star Wars. Haha.)

My time table's out too, and I'm not at all happy about it :( But, i guess everything will be sorted out, in His time.

Hmm, shall get to work on the videos. O Inspiration, be upon me.

Just another Week

There wasn't much to do online, but I try to make myself do stuff online. Why? I do not know the reason either. So anyway, I realised that there are people who actually read my blog.

I finally watched the Paul B. dvd that GY lent me. It was about creating flow during worship leading. It was similar to what Yurong said to me during our pre-worship. I guess it really was helpful, 'cos I did learn quite a number of things.

I thought today's cell was quite encouraging. For once, everyone in cell seemed 'alive'. I think one of the most important thing required during a session is laughter. Without laughter, the session would just seem so - dead. But then again, too much laughing can cause annoyance and irritant. I think i always worry when there's no one laughing after too long a while.

Laughter does somehow cease the tension during lesson. Appropriate laughter that is.

I guess the same goes when I give testimony. Somehow, I feel much more at ease when i see people smiling at me or laughing to what i say.

Okay, this post shall not get any longer, and i shall end it with a picture :)

Picture :D

Guan You complained that my posts are wordy..... Hmph! I shall proof him wrong *sticks out tongue*





I have more pictures than you! Bleah~

All these photos are from TUMBLR :D haha.... Don't you just love the Disney? They are the classics! :)

In moment like this

This week, I'm not really in the best of moods. It just takes one simple comment, one simple night and one simple letter to change it all.

As much as i respect him, the trust that i had has now dropped. I no longer know what is true or untrue.

Today during worship Ali said something which kinda gave me a reminder that no matter how bad or horrible life is at the moment, we shouldn't stop praising God. The moment she said that, it shook me. I had actually forgotten about this. After years and years of scene playing, I had actually forgotten about praising God in moments like this.

I think I've been trying to run away, to avoid the problems. But I know, I have to face them and no matter how far i pushed it away, it'll come back eventually.

- Serve
- Pleasing

Somehow, God spoke to me in many ways for the past 2 days either through my quiet time or through Sundays. As much as i rely on God for his strength and grace, I know that I too have to do something because, He can do a million things for me, but if I do not respond, no matter how much help he has provided will be nothing.

In moment like this, I sing of a song.
I sing of a love song to Jesus.
In moment like this, I lift up my hands.
I lift up my hands to the Lord.

Singing I love you Lord,
Singing I love you Lord.
Singing I love you, Lord
I love You.

Just sometimes...

Sometimes its not very nice to blog about personal life matters. But, sometimes, you just have to get it out.

I think every year (that's if i did update regularly), one of my post would definitely be about family issues. And today, Ta-da. Family issues.

My mom always tell me never to marry a guy like my dad, which i both approve of and disapprove of, but I'm standing more to the approve side. I mean, come on, we learn as we grow even if it means we are old. So yes, today something happened which leads to this post.

Sometimes i wonder, how is it possible for someone to have possibly 2 sides to them to the fact that you trust and agree with them but to only find out in the end that, what they say might not be the absolute truth. And this, it hurts my head to think. To trust or not to? It happens so that the people i respect most turns out to be those of whom i can't really figure out.

I wrote him a letter. Because it seemed so much better than talking. But writing letters mean that there would be an awkward moment.

Sometimes, i really wonder, shouldn't you love a person for who he/she is and not what he/she is? Doesn't it take both hands to clap and while the other party is already giving in, shouldn't you not take advantage over that fact but also give in a little too? Isn't this what makes a happy marriage?

To give and take.

I love this Video :)

It wont stop

I've been doing the videos the past few days, and watching movies while doing them. But i think i'd spent more time on the movies than the videos, and that's probably why i sleep so late every night.

This whole week, i have to reach school at 9a.m. - French Class.

I want to sleep in and wake up late everyday.....

Just like that

I've been wondering what i should post about today, and through the week, I had a few things in mind that i wanted to write about: the sleepless nights i had before exams, the days before my brother changed his room etc.

Well, I don't really feel like writing about all these now, and with that, I don't think I have much else to right about.

Just a note to self: Don't think about things that are a waste of brain cells and brain space. Although it might keep coming back, just push it aside.

Girl's Nite Out

Okay, this might be a little 2 much - 2 posts in a day. But, who cares right?

Anyways, went out with the girls , Yong and Kah, for dinner just now and we had a heart-to-heart-talk during and after the meal. I wonder how long has it been since we last chatted like that.

I think it's really good to share your feelings with people sometimes.

It unloads burdens.

All about Worship - again

I got this off from Sarah's blog.

I played for Chinese Corp's service yesterday morning, and I actually really enjoyed playing for them. It was very professional, simple and no frills, but at the same time it sounded very good. No one was fussing over sounds and the mixing, or instruments, or the music or any of that stuff. Even the rehearsal was the same way. We worked through the bumps and musicality in such a simple manner but that achieved what was needed. Not that those things are bad in and of themselves, but I think they had the right idea and mindset about what really is most important. You get there and pray before you start, pray when you end, pray before the service, and I think we prayed after the service too. There's no reason why I should be, but I was presently surprised. And you get the sense from being there and later from talking that they all are there happy just to serve (every single week, I might add), and it showed. That for me was most important - just love and service and no external fussiness or distractions. The icing on the cake was that the people were wonderfully gracious and very nice. I was quite embarrassed by their thanks actually. Need to learn to be a gracious receiver. I'm rather sad that I'm leaving already, it would be nice to get to know people in that corp. I've seen them around for years and years, there just wasn't an occasion to get to know them. Story of my life. But I'm glad they caught me before I left, it definitely was a highlight of the last weeks back. Also, I've discovered that I enjoy singing Chinese songs and listening to a Chinese (or in this case, translated from English) sermon. It sounds very...musical. I'm rather rusty at Mandarin, but perhaps it's time to actually make good use of my bilingual Bible.

Truthfully, I have never thought of my service to Chinese corp in that manner before, until recently, before i read this post. Here's my life story:

I started serving in the worship ministry in Chinese corp since Pri 4, so, at times, i feel stagnant with my service there, especially when I'm given pressures from my parents or even the pastors from church. But like what I've said during the meeting with GY and the guys about leading worship, I do really mean it.

Worship starts from the heart, and although I have been serving with the worship ministry since young, I do admire the spirit the older people have in worshiping. My aunt had claimed that when people see the singers enjoying themselves during the worship, they too, will also worship joyfully. In fast songs, we have to sway to the beat. My aunt herself moves the most during worship. For slow songs, my cousin makes sure we sing with feelings. In conclusion, the worship team affects the congregation.

Okay, if you ask me to compare Chinese Corp's and English Corp's worship style, i tell you its completely on 2 different end.

The worship team in Chinese corp is mainly made up of the Hees' and we've been together since forever, and i really mean forever. My dad has been the ministry since i was in K2 or younger. I've watched the team grew, shrink and grew again - from having a full band of drummer, singers, violinist, keyboardist to just the hee's with only a keyboardist and a drummer, to what we have now. Because of the time spent together, we kinda know what expectations to have of each other, like sounding as one when we sing together, to move as a team. Taking into consideration 70% of the population there are old people, there's a limit to how much we can do.

I admit that at times, i felt like leaving the corp and just join another church, because i don't feel happy and i felt forced. But then, somehow or rather, I'll still remain because of personal and family matters.

English corp on the other hand, was the total opposite. Not in a bad way.

Both corps have different objectives to how the want a worship ministry to work and i think that it's alright. But sometimes i can't help by wonder, maybe we could incorporate some of the things both ways to each corp?

I think I'm a confused kid, like east meets west, all jumbled up. As a result, how I think might differ from some people. While, there's always room for improvement and its never too late for changes :)

The window

Chapter 2

When Doris was in grade 3, she became paralyzed from the waist down after being knocked down by a car in a hit-and-run accident. What made it worst was that the person who had knocked Doris down was Mr Gopal, Edward’s father. The doctor confirmed with the Colleens that unless a miracle happened, it was impossible for Doris to regain her strength to walk. Mr Gopal had denied being involved with the accident, and claimed that he was innocent. But with all the evidence pointing against him and his number plate taken down by a passer-by who had witnessed the accident, he had no choice but to plead guilty. He had been drinking when he was driving. He had also been speeding when he drove. Before he knew it, he heard a loud ‘bang’. Being in an unclear state of mind at that time, his first instinct was to run away. Least did he expect that the person he had knocked down was his neighbour’s daughter. Had he known, he would have immediately sent her to the hospital. Mr Gopal was charged with drink-driving and was imprisoned for 1 year and fined $5000. He also needed to compensate the Colleens and was fired from his job. His family had lost their sole breadwinner and to keep the roof above their head, Mrs Gopal had to juggle 2 jobs. Despite their anger with Mr Gopal for not being responsible with his actions which could have led to the death of their gem, they offered to pay for their school fees to ease the burden of Mrs Gopal. Instead of being thankful to them, Mrs Gopal rejected their offer spitefully and told the Colleens that it was their entire fault that her family was in this state and told Mr and Mrs Colleen not to shed crocodile tears. She would rather burn the money than to use it. This angered Mr and Mrs Colleen and they decided to break all connections with the Gopals. From that day onwards, they did not allow Doris out of the house and had her home tutored. They did not want her to communicate with the any of the Gopals.

For the past 5 years, Doris had been kept in the house. But Doris had a secret of her own. She had been secretly observing her neighbours especially Edward. She knew their every move and what they were like through observing. Everyday she would wake up earlier than anyone in the house and wheel herself to the kitchen and stare out of the window that was near the Gopal’s garden to see Edward do his morning chores before he went to school and later return to bed. At first Edward did not feel anything, but after awhile, he realized that Doris had been watching him. He decided to pretend that he did not know anything. One day, Edward did not turn up for his morning chores. This left Doris disappointed. As she was about to wheel herself back to her bedroom, something flew in from the window and landed on her lap. It was a bookmark with a pressed flower on it. She turned back to see Edward’s grinning face. She broke into a smile too.

This became Edward’s and Doris’s daily routine. Though they rarely spoke to each other, with an assuring smile to each other, they knew that it would keep them going for the day. They would pass messages to each other and occasionally, Edward would tell Doris a joke. Not long later, Edward’s chores were in the afternoon. During her tea breaks, she would find excuses to make her way down to the kitchen to take a look at Edward. Only the cook, Mrs Harrison, knew what Doris was doing and she would make snacks for both Doris and Edward to munch on during their secret meetings. During Doris’s 5^th year of confinement in the house, Doris’s frequent visits to the kitchen became suspicious to her mother. Ers Aolleen decided to go into the kitchen to see what Doris had been up to. Edward was feeling very playful on the same day that Mrs Colleen decided take a look in the kitchen. Not knowing that Mrs Colleen was also in the kitchen, he mischievously took the water hose to spray Doris. Thinking that her daughter was in danger, she pulled away her daughter’s wheelchair and was sprayed instead. Both Doris and Edward were shocked. The angry Mrs Colleen immediately shut the windows and pulled the wheelchair out of the kitchen. She then reprimanded Doris for seeing one of the Gopal without her knowing. She shouted for Mrs Harrison and scolded her for not stopping Doris from seeing Edward. She then forbade Doris from entering the kitchen at all and made sure the windows were shut all the time. Doris was devastated. The window was her only way of communication with Edward.

There's still more to Chapter 2, but, i cut it into half so it doesn't seem that long...

Sometimes

Sometimes,

there is just no one to talk to...

Be Still

My lesson of today - Be still and listen.

It all started when Guan You smsed me early in the morning to say that today's devotion asked him to shut up. Late at night i was thinking back about the sms, and was trying to look at it at a different angle and I came out with, be still and listen. So maybe that's what God is trying to tell impatient me.

I've been praying to God about something and have yet to get an answer. So this might be his answer, to be still and just listen.

Recently I've been thinking, why do i think of unnecessary things and cause myself to be think so much and worry. Maybe that's why i didn't have a good sleep last night.

All things I commit them into your hand, Lord.

Weird, i just feel weird.

Its just taking up my brain juice to think about it. But, i can't help feeling weird all over. Once I stop getting busy, it feels weird again. I don't want to feel weird, not now. Not at this point of time. Okay, my plan: Push it to the corner of my brains and ignore the feeling.






It still feels weird.

Teacher's Day "D

Happy Teachers' Day!!!

Us with Ms Chua

Went to NYJC to find Ms Chua today, and boy was i in for a sweet treat :) Ms Chua treat the 6 of us, David, Rebe, Kuang, Jin Le, Miao Chun and me to Swensens - food & ice cream.

Just yesterday, I smsed her to ask her what time she would be around in school till and told her i would come later because i didn't wanted to clash with the other students she had. Her reply?

"Haha... I doubt I'll be crowded with students here. I'm quite fierce one. They scared of me. Hahaha."

And I replied:

" Haha. No la. You just like air con sometimes only..."

Ah, those times. I remember we would always say that 'the temperature dropped suddenly' the moment she enter the classroom and that her face was always 'black' and sometimes 'blacker' after teaching our class. We use to say that she preferred her NA class over us because she was always in smiles and laughter when around them, and yes, we were quite jealous. Haha.

But, as you can see now, we love her and respect her for who she is and what she does, if not, why do we bother visiting her even after she changed her school?

Ms Chua is one of those teachers who won't give up on her students and would do anything to help her students. Her teaching methods are good and i could actually understand some topics better. Even people like Desmond who always failed his geography could pass his O's. Ahh... He had a lot of incentives from her.

There were other teachers too who played a big part in my secondary school life. People like Mrs Foo, and Mr Lee. They were people who didn't give up on us when we were horrid - both academically and physically.

After the 'big hoo haa' that happened during our mid years, our A maths teacher left and Mr Lee took over teaching us A maths. He stayed with us until the school's closing time just for consultations and extra lessons. Well, he didn't give up on our class, who had only 5% pass in both A and E maths, and stayed with us to the end. So for that, WE LOVE HIM :D

And there's Mrs Foo, my form teacher of sec 1&2. Her life with us hasn't been easy. She was always there to reason with us, rescue us from trouble etc. When we were in sec 2, boy was my class rowdy! In a week, perharps even in a day, there would be more than 1 teacher's complain. In fact, other than our that time maths teacher, Ms Foo, she was the teacher we respected the most and would like not to disappoint. We were extremely guai in class. One time she got so angry with us, she threatened to leave the classroom before any other teacher did again. And, true to her words, the 2nd time she really did that.

Well, my class was really monstrous at that time. I guess it was the boys' rebellion stage. Mrs Foo knows when to separate work and after work. After school, she becomes our friend, but of course there would always be the line. I think that no matter how long after i leave the school, she'll always be one of the person i respect the most.

Okay, because today is teacher's day, my post will mainly be about teachers. So, i apologise for being a nag, reminiscing on the past. But, some people just love to live in the past don't day?

In yesterday's quiet time, it occurred to me that God was actually someone who's hard on the inside, but a big softie on the inside. And then, i started thinking of a food/fruit/snack that best describe that, and, i FAILED.

I'll still continue to think about that....

The window

Oh yes, this is a story i wrote when i was in Sec 4 for a competition, but i think it never went out. The story is quite long, so I'll break it out into parts and post it on different days :) Haha.
Here it goes...

Chapter 1

“There he is!” Doris thought gleefully to herself as she peered out of the window and saw the familiar figure. There he was, Edward, doing what he always did, mowing the lawn, feeding the dog and watering the plants. Doris observed that perspiration was dripping down from his half naked body and his face. As Edward swept his fringe off his forehead, Doris’s heart beat profusely. She could feel her face burning. She turned away for a gasp of air before turning back to continue observing Edward.

Doris Colleen was a sweet looking girl with chestnut hair that was long and wavy. Her hazel eyes were warm and comforting. She was from a well-to-do family and was also the only child in her family. Being the gem of the household, she was given the best of what her parents could afford. Still she had no change in attitude and was as nice as ever. Doris had known Edward Gopal when she was just a baby. Edward was two years older than her and was her next-door neighbour. He was a good looking young boy. As a mixed blood, he had tanned skin and thick black hair. He had the blue eyes of his mother and the face of his father. Edward’s family on the other hand was just an average family. They could afford the school fees for his older brother, younger brother and him, three meals, and a roof over their head. They would still be left with an excess of money. Both families were very close and would invite one another over whenever they wanted to.

Despite the difference in gender, the two were playmates and they spent most of their time together. Unlike the other girls, Doris took no interest in dolls and frilly dresses, she would rather spend her time reading and going out with Edward to look at the beauty of the earth and find out more about how the beautiful landscapes she saw were formed. Edward would stand up for Doris when she was bullied and though she was younger than Edward, being the smarter of the two, Doris would help him with his studies. To Doris, Edward was like the elder brother she never had. These two young children had unknowingly built up a strong friendship between them. However, their friendship was put to test after an accident occurred.

Knock, knock. Who's there?

Met up with Daph today for lunch and as well as to collect and do free labour for her for Teachers' Day. We had lunch at KFC and head to the library because, I wanted to borrow books to read. My dad has been complaining that I'm not reading as much as i used to, and that, i totally agree.

When it comes to reading, I'm very picky and fussy like how some girls are towards clothes. I love stories that:

1. Based during a historical period
2. Have a twist in the ending
3. Something unusual
4. Mysteries
5. True stories
6. Family Relation

So, around 80% of the fictional stories in the library are love-base. I'm quite bored with reading love stories unless they have twist or a special ending. But most of them are usually with predictable ending. I mean, I'm alright with love stories but sometimes they just get quite dry because they have the same story plot. So in conclusion, it took me quite a while to find a story to my liking, and Daph too was complaining about how she hard it was to find storybooks for other people - ME.

Anyway, before i left my house, i grabbed a storybook from my shelf. I read it on my journey to AMK, while waiting for Daph and later on Guan You and later on the way to the Bees house.

Repossessing Ernestine

It is about this actress/writer, Marsha Hunt, who went found her long lost grandmother, Ernestine, who had spent 52 years in an asylum & nursing home. She then started tracing the background and the history of her grandmother's past and the reason why a perfect and intelligent woman was diagnosed as mentally disabled. As the title suggests, she got to be with her grandmother in the end after much challenges faced.

However, the question to why her grandmother was put into the asylum and other questions like, "Why were all her teeth removed?", "Why were there false records written under her background information?" etc. But then i feel that the author might have thought that it was better to enjoy the time she had left with her grandmother then to continue pursing the past, after all her grandmother was with her. Her grandmother was 97 years old at the time.

So, in all, the book is good and touching.

I met Guan You, who was late, at interchange at around 6.30 plus and took bus 136 down to Punggol for house visiting at the Bees'. It was an 1 hour ++ ride. Had lovely food, fruits and drink.

Snowy :)
(I think its spelled like that)

Btw, i attempted with Photoshop to adjust the brightness and contrast. Gosh, so proud of myself. Hahas. He's really cute. Especially when it came to food. He does a split and lies on his tummy - a sign for "please give it to me"

Hui Min No.2

The wheat-grass plant was named after Hui Min because of the spectacles. Haha. We stayed till 9.30 p.m. Uncle Bee fetched me home. Thank God for that, if not I'll reach home by 11 plus p.m.

The Bee family is my model family.

Okay, this has been a rather long post i think. Good night ")

Worship

Worship is an essential part of our lives.

Today, Cheryl's friend, James, came down to share about his experience in the worship ministry. Out of the many things he say, the 1 thing that struck me the most was when he said that, "Worship leading is not about just singing your songs. As a worship leader, you'll have to lead others into worship." And that, i think is a great responsibility. He quoted from Spiderman:

"With great power, comes great responsibility"

Truthfully, i had never taught of worship leading in that manner. Sure, I am certain that God has called me to lead worship, but I had never expected such responsibility coming out from a worship leader. So, being a worship leader is not just about guiding the band, its also about guiding the congregation. And today I'd also learn that learning scales and theory in piano is not entirely useless. The way James said out each chords by their musical term made me realised that i can actually put to use what i learn classical or not. So that means, i need to make time to PRACTICE and stop giving myself excuses to why i cant practice.

I guess James did kinda inspired me a little.

So, here's something totally not related to what's above:

Beside the posts, there is a column of stuff. If you scroll down you see fishes in a box. There are a total of 10 fishes, that, I'M VERY SURE! Like, hello, i was the one who created that fishy thing! So anyway, Guan You could only spot like 9 fishes. Me, i took a really long time to find fish no. 10. SO for those who come to my blog, you can be entertained by my fishes :D

I love the skin....

Today is my special someone's birthday. Sorry to disappoint you, but, it's a girl :D

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY MANDA!!!!

I really love spending time with you. <3

So, today has been a real lazy day for me. I refuse to touch my work until like 5 p.m. But you see, i woke up at 8 plus this morning and slept at 2 plus 3 a.m., perhaps even later. Not that i didn't want to sleep, but i didn't feel tired at all!

I was thinking of posting some of the short stories/poems/prose or whatever you categorize them under, that i have written, up onto blog. I shall see then...

Good Night all "D

I like this song.

I'll Not Turn Back

If crosses come, if it should cost me dearly
To be the servant of my Servant Lord
If darkness falls around the path of duty
And men despise the Saviour I’ve adored

I’ll not turn back, whatever it may cost
I’m called to live, to love and save, the lost
I’ll not turn back, whatever it may cost
I’m called to live, to love and save,the lost

If doors should close, then other doors will open
The word of God can never be contained
His love cannot be finally frustrated
By narrow minds or prison bars restrained

I’ll not turn back, whatever it may cost
I’m called to live, to love and save, the lost
I’ll not turn back, whatever it may cost
I’m called to live, to love and save,the lost

If tears should fall, if I am called to suffer
If all I love men should deface, defame
I’ll not deny the One that I have followed
Nor be ashamed to bear my Master’s name.

I’ll not turn back, whatever it may cost
I’m called to live, to love and save, the lost
I’ll not turn back, whatever it may cost
I’m called to live, to love and save,the lost

Its a Salvation Army song. A song with powerful words.

Different gadgets with different uses

Guess I'm officially back on blogger again. Tumblr is getting less personal, okay, it was never personal to start off with. And besides, no one reads this blog :D

I realised after the decrease in number of followers on tumblr, people don't like to hear about your sob story. They are more interested in the pictures you post up and the interesting stuff you upload. So now, I'm gonna switch around tumblr and blogger; both with different uses. Call me fickle minded i don't care.

So here's sob story number 1. of my very first post in months.

My dad again talked to me about encouraging my brother and motivating him. The thing is, I don't mind. Seriously, from the bottom of my heart, i really do not mind it at all. But do you already not know how hard it is to communicate with him? To actually go out with him or bring him around, or to be even around him, i have to first overcome the very first barrier - ME. I mean, hello, he's my brother and i love him and all, but there are times when I really do feel the pressure and stress when I'm around with him. It's hard to express love to people like him. While you do not want others to insult him, because he's your kin, but you can't help but also feel the way others feel about him.

I know its no excuse, and even i feel that I'm giving myself excuses about why i haven't been motivating/encouraging him. It's not easy okay. We, youngsters too, face stresses in our own way.

I need time to overcome my own barrier. I just need time. For now, just let me be. I'm human too.

And that's the end of my sob story.

Typing things out from what I'm thinking does helps make me think better in a way i guess. Well, lets just hope that things will turn out better in days to come.

HAHAHAHA....

I'm on blog again! It's been ages since i last touched any electronic journals... Oh wells... Oh, in any case, i'm on blog because i wrote something:) The inspiration came to me when i was on my way home from a movie. Those who still occasionally pops by to visit my blog, even though its dead, comment on it k? Thanks :)



You're Home

The girl sat by the windowsill.
Her legs arched and her back slouched.
Her eyes following the droplets running across the glass
She turned her gaze out of the window and eyed the vehicles that passed.
She jumped out of her seat and straightened her dress in haste.
She pushed open her door and thought, ‘it is here!’
She dashed to the front porch and saw a familiar figure.
Out there in the front was that familiar yet distant yellow car.
The figure opened the door and almost immediately, she jumped at him.
“There, there, little one.” The soothing voice assures her.
“You’re home!” She buried herself into those comforting arms.
Outside, the sky was starting to clear.

I think i'm going to delete this blog soon.

Hi everyone, yes, i'm finally blogging. But, nope, it won't be a long post.

I'm addicted to Tumblr! You guys should try it too "D!!!

Here's my tumblr url : jolenehee.tumblr.com

Easy to remember right? Haha... I might pop by blogger again or perhaps - NEVER! Haha...

Tata people. Its 10.45 p.m. now. Good night :)

i might be switching to tumblr?

Its been a looonnnnnnnnggg while since i last blogged. Too lazy la! School's starting tomorrow :( I want a longer holiday!!!

Seriously, i have nothing to blog about. My life is too boring. Maybe i'll start a one liner post? Okay, Going for dinner with my family and relatives soon.

Tata!!!

P.S

It's 6.55 p.m. now.